It’s 8:14 PM as I start to write this. I just came into my
room after sitting outside for about 20 minutes watching the stars and the
flaming lanterns floating by. This is the night before Kaithin, which is a big
gathering time that is held by every temple shortly after the end of Buddhist
lent. Ours is tomorrow. Tonight there are several hundred extra people and it’s
quite a busy place. There is a whole row of booths set up to offer free food
and treats tomorrow, and the Lantam – gathering area – is all decorated with
flowers, bunches of bananas and other food. I watched the lanterns on my own,
rather than going to where they were being sent off. It was peaceful to sit
with the twinkling stars and the orange glow of the lanterns growing, then
getting fainter as they sailed off into an indeterminate distance.
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| Food booths - not so crowded as earlier |
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| Money trees and offerings |
Yesterday I was invited on a trip again, which I thought had
the goal of gathering more bananas. It turned out to be a hike up a small
mountain in search of some the ingredients for the medicine tea that Gan’s monk
friend brews. Seven of us hiked for about 20 minutes up a steep slope through
groves of bamboo and then up to the limestone peak, all eroded and dissolved
into sharp and jagged knife edged ridges, deep holes and slices all festooned
with vines and creepers. I find these kinds of mountains to have a prehistoric
feel and look to them, and keep expecting to see dinosaurs coming around a
corner or peeking out of a hole.
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| Going up |
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| Sharp rocks |
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| Arched hole in the mountain, seen from our mountain top |
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| Through the bamboo |
The ingredients we were after this time turned out to be a
kind of tree, or very thick woody vine – I’m not sure which – that was growing
near the top of the mountain. The particular one we collected was about 40 feet
long I think and grew up the side of a cliff, through a hole in the rock and
out and up on the other side. The monk hacked it down with a machete and cut it
into manageable lengths, then we carried it down the hill again, arriving hot,
sweaty and dirty at the bottom. It was quite a fun adventure actually, especially
preceded as it was by lunch in the garden of the grandmother’s place and
followed by snacks from a market that appeared across the street from her house
when we got back. It had all of the things one would expect from a Thai country
market – deep fried chicken feat, some really smelly fish dipped in batter and
hopefully cooked really well, lots of vegetables I can’t identify, various
sorts of fruit and treats, fresh and unrefrigerated meat in the hot sun, smiling
people milling about and bright and happy sounding Thai music blaring from bad
speakers. I bought a couple of small watermelons for about 80 cents each and we
bought a variety of other snacky sorts of things.
The day also involved discussions about the nature of
things, of course, and what it means to live at the temple. In Buddhist belief,
everything that exists does so because of a chain of cause and effect that goes
back to the very beginning of all things. The universe as we know it is a vast
interconnection of cause and effect running forward and perpetuating itself in
an endless cycle of arising and passing away. Karma is this cycle of cause and
effect and means just that – the effects of previous causes that in turn become
more causes leading to more effects, etc.
There are three kinds of karma. “Bad” Karma is the karma of
evil or ignorant action and it results in “bad” effects. Good Karma is the
opposite and results in good or pleasant effects. However, Buddhists see both
good and bad as being equal or similar in that they both result in continuing
motion and continuation of the cycle of cause and effect. This cycle is
believed to run forever from life to death to life to death and so on. As long
as there is a continuation of Karma, there is a continuation of the cycle of
life and death. There is also a third kind of Karma which is not good or bad,
and is concerned with not being attached to things. This third kind cancels out
the good and the bad because it is both and neither. It’s not concerned with
results, but with stopping.
As a simpler way of thinking about it, you can imagine being
in a pool of water and splashing about. The splashing makes waves and the waves
will continue as long as you keep splashing. Stop splashing and hold still for
a while and the waves will stop. Good and bad Karma both involve more splashing
and both make waves. If you stop being concerned with either one, and stop
moving about so much, the waves diminish.
All this is to explain how and why the way of life at temple
is pretty much completely upside down from what one finds in most of the rest
of the world. Out in “the world” one is generally concerned with making things
happen, making goals and obtaining them, getting results, being productive, and
all of those sorts of things. This is OK, but it’s also a lot like splashing
about in the pool. It continues to make more waves. At the temple, the focus is
on stopping and so they aren’t particularly concerned with wanting things, or
not wanting things, doing things or not doing things, obtaining or achieving or
not obtaining or achieving. Rather, the focus here is on letting everything
flow through without trying to give it too much meaning or getting too involved
in it.
Driving through a small city, for instance, it was suggested
that I should “not pay attention and not be curious”. “Don’t try to interpret
or make connections,” “Don’t give meaning to everything. It doesn’t have any
intrinsic meaning. The only meaning is what you give it, and you don’t need to
give it any meaning at all. Just let it go.”
The result of this is a mind state which is very flowing.
Feelings, thoughts and emotions flow in and just as quickly flow out. The
experience is still there, the appearance is the same, but the experience is of
things not sticking. It is also an experience of not taking things personally
or holding onto problems or disagreements. Some people here, I am learning, can
be very direct and seemingly negative with each other, but since the practice
is to let go of whatever comes up, it doesn’t last and people aren’t bothered
by it. Things are not repressed or controlled – but they are released without
intention of harm. If someone is offered negative energy or feelings, the
practice is to not take it personally, not keep it or hold onto it in any way.
Just let it flow and go.
Now and then I experience bits of what I think of as this “flowing”
state. It feels quite good actually, like a stream running through that just
carries experience with it and removes the need to get stuck to anything. It’s
a free and creative feeling since it allows the moment to be what it is without
judgment, and this allows the next moment to be free and spontaneous too. It
also involves a great deal of trust – trust that each moment will happen on its
own and there is no necessity to try to control it. Whatever is needed in that
moment will be there, inside and outside.
Of course, a particular sensation or feeling is just another
passing thing and should not be attached to. My present understanding will
change and the sensation of “flowing” will change too. Sometimes it will be
there and other times not – just like anything else that comes along. Flowing
allows for the experience of flowing to also be flowing… J
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Now it is tomorrow afternoon, counting from when I started
writing this. I went out into the world feeling somewhat lonely, alone and
homesick this morning, for a variety of reasons – some of which I am aware of
and many others of which I probably am not. It’s interesting how the more
people there are around the easier it is to feel alone Though. I think there
may be an equation in there somewhere as well, but I drained the batteries of
the mathematics particle in my brain on the last equation and it’s going to
take a while to recharge.
Many people’s families came, and old friends from all over
Thailand, and so everyone was busy entertaining people that they knew from
elsewhere. I’m still the only Western person anywhere around and though
everyone is very kind and eager to include me, I still feel like a pea in a
field of beans, or something like that. Similar, but not quite fitting in. Of
course, this is just the meaning I’m giving to the feeling. I could just as
easily feel welcomed, supported and included (all of which are also true). We
sort out what we want in any given moment I guess.
This seemed a good time for some practical application of
what I was pontificating about last night. Here were all of these feelings and
interpretations that I was experiencing. I could feel them pulling and jostling
inside and feel how much my mind wants to dig into them, figure them out, dwell
on them, hold onto them and identify with them, even though they aren’t very
comfortable. I was therefore busily splashing about in the pool and making the
waves bigger and more complicated with every splash. The way here is to not try
to suppress or get rid of them, but also not pay attention to them. Leave them
alone and they will do whatever they need to do, stay as long as they need to
stay, and go away on their own. Stop splashing about and let the waves settle.
I talked to Ning briefly at breakfast. I sent a note to her
last night, part of which explained that I’d gotten my phone to work as a
portable hotspot so I can check my email from my room now (sometimes, when it
works). She said that this morning the image of the portable hotspot came to
her as she was sitting in the assembly, because she felt like she was a portable hotspot for a little while. When
we clear out some of the blockages and resistance inside, there is an energy,
or light, that begins to flow through and shine more brightly and this light
shines out to others as well. I think that we are always receiving and broadcasting
actually, and it is the frequency of what we pay attention to that we both
receive and increase with our broadcast. On a practical, here and now basis, we
get uncomfortable results when we focus on “bad” or negative thoughts and
feelings, more comfortable results when we focus on “good” or positive
feelings, and a freeing, opening, releasing result when we allow both good and
bad to flow. Without needing to believe in the life after life thing, and also
letting go of all of the negative connotations of Karma as “fate”, I think the
idea of the three kinds of karmas or cause/effect relationships can be helpful
in the here and now. Release from the stickiness of emotional drama can be a
relief at any time...
I’m trying to write what I’m feeling and experiencing,
though words don’t really do a good job of describing these things. I’m not
sure why I think it’s useful to do this, but it’s what I’m doing at the moment
so I guess I’ll keep at it for a while at least.
I will send a wish for anyone who wants it – to release the
feelings, judgments, and attachments that are hurting you, blocking you, or
causing you pain and allow them to dissolve away, or perhaps lift away like the
lanterns I saw last night. Light a candle and let the heat of the flame fill a
floating lantern to lift them from your life and carry them away, beacons to
light the sky of others…
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