Written Oct. 19, 2012 - posted later...
It’s 8:18 as I sit down to type this. It’s been dark for
quite a while now, since seven or maybe a little before. The sound of crickets
is loud in the trees and my open windows face onto a small thinly cemented
common area between several small buildings. A couple of monks are sitting
outside one of them, talking by candle light, their voices carrying over the
sound of the crickets. It’s never still or quiet in Thailand, I have
discovered. There is always noise and activity in the forest, especially at
night.
I’ve been here 4 days now. Ning (a nun here) was planning to
have me stay in a small house but that plan fell through and so I’m back in the
room I stayed in last time, at Ajahn Nu’s house. It’s a fairly nice room
actually, about ten feet square with a tiled floor, a small shelf, and a raised
wooden platform for a bed. I brought my camping air mattress with me. The first
two days I thought I’d try doing without it and just use the thin pad that’s on
the bed. My hip bones got sore though and I wimped out and blew up the camping
mat.
There are quite a few more people here than when I was here
last year. There are about 240 monks staying through the Buddhist lent period which
runs from the beginning of August to the end of October, during the rainy
season. There are also 140 nuns, give or take a few, and quite a few laypeople
like me. We all meet at the meeting place, or “lantam” twice each day – in the
morning at 6:30 and in the evening at 6:30. The lantam is a large cement floor
covered by a slightly larger roof made of bamboo, scraggly looking sticks and
Thai style thatched roofing. Thin mats are rolled out to sit on when we are
there.The front includes a raised place for Luang por – the teacher and
spiritual head of this place – to sit, and a higher place with a large gold Buddha
statue.
In the mornings we meet, do a bit of chanting (which is new
since I was here last), Luang por (pronounced something like “lung pa”, at
least to my ears; a respectful title) comes and talks for a while, and then we
get breakfast. Breakfast is served on four rows of tables and consists of a big
pot of white rice, a big pot of some sort of soup, sometimes with chicken or
fish or eggs in it, and a couple of sorts of vegetables or other dishes like
bamboo shoots in a spicy sauce or noodles with things in them. Monks have two
tables and nuns have two tables and monks and nuns eat first, (monks before
nuns if push comes to shove) then people who wear all white clothing since this
denotes a certain degree of commitment, and then those of us who are left. I
usually end up pretty near the end of the line so sometimes some of the better
stuff is gone. However, I make out pretty well since Ning feeds me quite often
and people still give me food now and then, even though I’m not a monk anymore.
People have been exceptionally kind and welcoming to me, and
I find the people here to be very gentle and generous. One of Ning’s neighbours
likes cooking and she sent over some steamed banana cake made with rice flour
today, and some rice soup with mushrooms and vegetables. Another one makes tofu
and she sent over some tofu with cabbage, which doesn’t sound very good but
actually was.
I’ve already had several lectures from monks who are eager
to talk about the philosophy here. The teaching is really pretty simple, but in
the way of simple things it’s also really difficult to fully grasp and even
more difficult to live in a practical way. Besides this paradox of simplicity
and complexity, there isn’t much else that’s considered fit to talk about, so monks
tend to expound at length. It’s a bit of a monk thing, I think, to do quite a
lot more expounding than listening. However, it does have the effect of giving
one many viewpoints and different ways of understanding what is being taught.
The main idea, as far as my understanding goes, starts with
the Buddhist premise that everything changes and there’s nothing we can do
about that. Since everything changes, there’s not much use in fighting change
or trying to hold on to things. It’s also based on the idea that we tend to
make things difficult for ourselves and get in our own way by doing a lot of
judging things and people and taking stuff personally. We like this, don’t like
that, want something else and get all tied in knots when we get what we don’t
want or lose what we like. All of this judging and taking things personally centers
around the idea of “I” which, says Buddhism, is somewhat of an inconvenient
fiction.
So, in order to be happy and well, all we have to do is stop
making all of these judgments, stop taking things personally and stop getting
so concerned about this “I” idea – what “I” have, don’t have, feel, think,
experience, etc. It’s all going to
change anyway. As Ning said, we’re all on this train ride together. We know
where it started, we don’t know where it’s going to end, but we do know that it
will end. We don’t have much (or any) control over the train, so we might as
well just relax and enjoy the ride.
So, that’s what they teach here. Relax, don’t try to make
things happen, let go of judging and wanting and striving and just be happy
with what, where and who you are, as you are. Simple right? Ning and I were
discussing it and I brought up the example of a map vs. a GPS navigation
system. I thought the GPS was a bit like religion – it leads you along and gets
you where you’re going, but you have to be willing to follow it somewhat
blindly. It generally doesn’t give a big picture overview of all of the
different roads and pathways. A map does give an overview, but is less specific.
Both are ways of getting from where you are to the goal – where you want to be.
A day later, Ning said she woke up with the thought that here at the temple the
teaching isn’t a map or a GPS. It’s just a “Stop” sign… There isn’t a goal to
get to, and there isn’t a need to try, strive, or do so much.
Of course, all this simplicity gets pretty complicated, and there
are also undercurrents to all of this. The Buddhist universe is quite large and
includes a lot of different levels of existence, different dimensions and
beings, reincarnation and repeated cycling in and out of embodiment, Karma (the
law of cause and effect) and especially in this particular temple, a fair bit
of belief in what we would think of as being the supernatural in Canada (at least
most Canadians would I believe). I’ve not seen very much of that since I
arrived – just a couple of nuns apparently speaking for beings who don’t
currently have physical bodies but want to ask Luang por some questions. It’s
all considered pretty normal and nobody pays too much attention.
The Vastness of it all can sneak up on you though. Tonight I
walked from my room to the lantam at sunset. Down the tree lined road, take a
left and walk along a small lake while the pastel pinks and oranges play in the
sky and on the water and orange robed monks or white robed nuns glide silently
in the gathering darkness. Fish moil near the surface of the water with an
occasional splash, and lights from a arriving vehicles throw shadows through
the trees.The chanting starts and it has a sweet sound, gentle people singing a
gentle pledge. Luang por arrives and sits quietly. Four hundred people sit in
silence while the stars peek out, the crickets sing, the warm air breaths
gently past. A dog growls somewhere and stops. There is a feeling of peace that
seems to radiate out like a cooling breeze and things seem to change inside. It
is harder to hold on to troubled thoughts or feelings. They don’t all go away –
my mind has been rather busy and I’ve been feeling somewhat rebellious today in
particular. All of this peace and slowness and gentleness can get annoying at
times, but it calms me down a bit as well.
It’s when the calm starts to sink in, though, that the
vastness can sometimes jump out and scare you. The quiet and stillness can drive
wedges into cracks in one’s perceptions and tear rips in one’s carefully
constructed reality. Sometimes this is exciting, freeing, opening. Other times,
it can be frightening.
I just noticed that now it’s 9:18. It’s been an hour since I
started writing and this is getting long again. I guess it’s time to stop for
now.
Hi Todd, Manfred just sent me the address to your blog and I read all 6 posts in one sitting. You have a great way of writing!! I am enjoying this very much. It is good to hear how you are doing. Take good care of yourself. I will follow you now on the blog.
ReplyDeleteCheers Jutta